Practically A Saint
by Midorima Kazunari
Summary: Shinji Nishizono has a noisy upstairs neighbor. (This was written as part of the RLt Green Room Challenge #7 Not-So-Dark-Side Challenge, but that being said, this is still an MPD-Psycho story, so it will be graphic, dark, violent, sexy, and foul, so exactly like the original canon... don't say you weren't warned.)


A/N: Warning, if you are unfamiliar with the manga MPD-Psycho and you are r&ring this story as part of the RLt Green Room Challenge, I urge you to take the warnings posted on the summary seriously. MPD-Psycho is a dark, disturbing, mature manga that is sold with a warning sticker and in a plastic wrapper. It is not for the faint of heart, and Shinji, is not to be trifled with. This is a sequel to "Scratching the Itch" and runs concurrent with "Enucleation," but neither story are required reading to understand this one.

* * *

[Thump, thump, thump]

Shinji Nishizono paced the room in time with the noise pounding on the ceiling of his thirteen tatami mat apartment. He took five paces down the short hall, spun in place, and then returned five paces back.

[Thump…, THUMP, thump]

The sounds had been happening for over an hour now, and each percussion was like a nail being hammered into his head. Six pain pills and a bottle of whiskey later, his head still felt like the kid was tap-dancing on it. He'd taken off the eye patch almost as soon as it had begun, because even the pressure of the thin elastic bands felt like garrote wire with the severe headache.

 _I have to relax; as soon as the sun goes down I can leave, but for now I have to bear with it. It can't last forever, right?_

[Thump, thump... thump]

If it had been slow and steady – or even fast and steady – like Chinese water torture, he could have endured it better. _Hell, I've been through worse than this while strapped to a gurney,_ he thought. _Man up and go talk to her. You're still recovering from surgery, surely she'll see reason._

[Thump, thump]

But it wasn't regular in any fashion. For the last three months the apartment over his head had been empty and blissfully quiet, but then _they_ moved in: a single mother and her adorable – or so he'd been told by others who appreciated such things – little toddler. The woman – seemingly unemployed – and child were awake on the opposite schedule he kept.

 _Can't she take the rug rat outside for one fucking day? Isn't playing outside good for you?_ He pushed rolled up toilet paper into his ears, hoping they'd block the horrendous sound. _The kid'll get scurvy or something… no, wait, that's vitamin C deficiency. Which one do you get from the sun again?_ His train of thought turned to babble as he continued to wear a path down the hallway of his apartment.

[thump, thump, THUMP, THUMP, thump, thump]

 _What the fuck is she doing up there? And why isn't her mother stopping her?_ He pulled the useless paper from his ears, throwing it to the ground. _How can_ she _stand the noise? I could slip up there and kill her in seconds, make it look like a suicide,_ he decided. _The child… I could drown her in the tub, make it look like an accident, but… I've already shat where I live once, I can't take the chance again._

As he turned this time he saw the radio on the kitchen counter. He stopped before it, and fiddled with the dials until he came to an all news talk-radio channel. Music would annoy him almost as much as _that_ sound. _It isn't my fault I'm a psychopath without an ability to connect with emotion._

He turned the volume up, and continued pushing the button until it was as loud as it could go: "In a new effort to cut down on bicycle thefts, the city council has…"

[thump, thump, thump]

 _It's no use, I'm going to die, or I can kill them._ He put his hands over his ears and squeezed. _Those are the only two options…_

 _[bang, bang]_

The noise came not from the ceiling this time, but from the front door and it took Shinji a moment to realize it.

He flung the door open. "What?"

Naoka, the next door neighbor, and his occasional fuck-buddy, stood at the door, wringing his hands.

"Oh no, you're bandage is weeping," he said, pushing passed Shinji in his haste to get into the apartment.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I'm going to the doctor tonight."

"What? I can't hear you!" Naoka shouted.

Shinji tugged the radio's cord out of the wall and silenced the report.

"That's better. Now sit down and I'll rewrap your bandage."

"Never mind that, I'm going to the doctor tonight. Not that I mind, but why are you here?"

[thump, thump, thump]

"What is that noise?" Naoka asked, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, Shinji, but I was just checking on you. You never have the radio up that loud and I thought maybe you'd fell ill or got so drunk you collapsed on the volume, or… something."

"Sorry about that," he said. "The bitch upstairs and her spawn are making so much noise I think I'm going to lose my mind if someone doesn't stop them soon."

Naoka laughed, "So why don't you just go up and ask her to keep it down?"

"That would have been an option an hour ago, but now I'm so fucking furious that if I went up there I'd strangle her."

"You could call the landlord?"

[THUMP, thump, THUMP]

"Yeah, but he doesn't know I live here instead of my cousin."

"Any word from Hisoka lately?"

"None, he probably ran away from one bad situation straight into another. I doubt he's coming back." _Not unless he can resemble his pieces and rise from the dead, that is. He's probably been devoured by the crows and maggots by now._

[thump, Thump, THUMP]

"I could… go up and speak to her for you," Naoka offered, looking at his feet.

"I won't ask you to do that, but how about you come in and suck me off? While I'm moaning, I won't be thinking of anything but you and your pretty mouth," I said, putting my hand on the side of his jaw and sliding it up into his hair.

"Oh, I…," he stutters.

 _He's adorable when he goes all submissive on me._

"I can't today. I have three final exams tomorrow, and you promised – "

"That I wouldn't give you shit for doing school work first; I know, I know. Tomorrow, huh? What are your plans after the exam, then?"

"A couple of my classmates are going to head out after for drinks, but I guess you wouldn't want to join us?"

[THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP]

Shinji grabbed a pack of cigarettes and pushed Naoka out the door. "Sure, I need to get out more. I'll join you and then we'll come back here and have our own little party. I've found some very… nasty little toys for you," he said, lighting a cigarette and blowing the sweet smoke away from Naoka.

"You're not supposed to smoke after surgery."

"I need a cigarette, don't try to stop me."

"It's bad for your healing," Naoka warned.

"It'll be worse for her," he replied, his one eye rolling up to indicate the floor above him.

"You really won't do anything… extreme, will you?"

Shinji took a long drag off his cigarette, but did not answer.

"Please, Shinji, promise me you won't do anything that I wouldn't like."

Shinji sighs. _Fuck, this boy knows how to play me almost as well as I play him._

"But you've liked so many things you didn't think you would," Shinji purred, holding the cigarette down at his side as he stalked the three steps between him and Naoka, who leaned against his door as if it would save him. "Maybe I'll teach her a thing or two as well."

"You're such a sadist."

"And you love it," Shinji said a mere centimeter from Naoka's lips. If the boy was breathing at all, the movement of his body would have brought their lips together. "You'd better get back to studying. I promise, at the least, that I'll keep the racket down on my end."

Shinji pulled back and Naoka began breathing again. Slightly dizzy, he turned and went into his apartment without another word.

Shinji finished three cigarettes in all before he went back into the apartment.

[THUMP, THUMP, thump, thump]

"By all that is holy, lady, what the fuck is going on up there?" he screamed.

He threw himself down on the floor and stared daggers up at the ceiling. "You're so dead, so dead, so dead…."

 _Oh! That reminds me, I need to check my email!_

[Thump, thump, thump]

He rolled over onto his stomach and clicked on the email icon on his phone. There were three requests waiting. He read through them all and discarded the first two. They were daylight only jobs and until he'd had a chance to wrap up proceedings with his eye and the doctor, he wasn't going out while the sun was up. The third… _Yes, this could be interesting._

He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

[thump, thump, thump]

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm the repair man you contacted. I understand you have a bit of a problem. I may be able to help."

"Oh, yes, ok…" the voice sounded nervous. _Fuck, an amateur, but someone is going to die today and if it isn't this guys 'problem' then it's going to be the bitch upstairs._

"It's ok, I handle delicate situations all the time. Give me your address and I'll be over as soon as the sun sets. Will that be soon enough?"

[thump, THUMP, thump]

"Yes, that should be fine. "I'll meet you at…" Shinji wrote down the address as the man stumbled over it. _I guess not everyone is comfortable giving out their information to a contract killer. What a pity._

"Make sure you have cash on hand. I don't take checks or credit cards for afterhours work."

"Yes, ok, I understand."

"Good, I'll see you soon." As he hung up, he realized he hadn't heard a sound from above for about thirty seconds. _Maybe it's nap time? Either way, I'm going to take advantage of it and sleep while I can._ He laid down on his futon and thought about all the wonderful things he'd do to – and for – Naoka tomorrow night.

 _The things I do for a little bit of ass,_ he thought as he drifted off to sleep. _Naoka will have to reward me for not killing them – fuck, I'm practically a saint…_


End file.
